There’s a well-known saying that familiarity breeds contempt. I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t just apply to relationships but also to situations. The familiarity of a sedating, life-limiting routine can also produce contempt. Sometimes we get stuck where we are in spite of a deep yearning for something different. Whether it’s a thankless job, a wayward spouse, or negative thinking, many live their lives in misery because they’re functioning on autopilot in a cycle of mind-numbing monotony. They come to accept where they are because change is frightening. That’s how Koaching for Klarity was born. Well, kind of…

 

Actually, its genesis happened far earlier than its incorporation. Growing up, no one ever asked me what I wanted to be or walked me through the process of determining my path for the life ahead. No one asked me about my passions, and my only guidance from the adults in my life was to go to college or get a “good government job” with the goal of being self-sufficient. I chose college with the goal of becoming a legal assistant, yet even there I was redirected by my professors to pursue information technology.  They believed I not only had an aptitude for it, but it also paid well. So, that’s what I did. For more than thirty years, I was an IT professional, functioning on autopilot in a passionless cycle. Yet, in the midst of a three-decade hamster wheel, little did I know I was pursuing my passion one organic, uncomfortable conversation at a time. 

 

Let me explain. I’ve always been the one among my family and friends who took the time to listen to their lives’ challenges without judgement. Whether it was about careers, relationships, or education pursuits, love it or hate it, I would ask a lot of questions--difficult questions that sometimes uncovered truths they’d like to keep buried. Some have said I have an uncanny way of pulling things out of them. I’ve done it for years, listening objectively yet never holding anyone’s feet to the fire to change if they didn’t want to.  

 

In those thirty years I spent working at a job for which I had no passion, I discovered that my real passion and gift was coaching, guiding, and encouraging friends and family. I especially gravitated toward helping women, young girls, and my Sunday school students. No matter who I spoke to, my goal in every conversation was to help one come to a sense of awareness. It wasn’t necessarily about achieving a desired outcome but being able to uncover the truth about one’s life to either change it or accept it. The truth can be empowering. 

 

I loved helping people and understood what it meant to live with purpose and intention, so in 2005, I founded You Belong, a non-profit organization with a mission to assist young women in understanding and developing their authentic selves. This involved helping them delve into their what and why so they could choose a path of true joy and fulfillment. Although the conversations weren’t always easy, they provided the space needed for awareness and personal development. As my circle of friends grew, so did the engaging conversations with more mature individuals. I found purpose in helping people with what they considered impossible life challenges.

 

However, it wasn’t until I lost my only child that I finally decided to leap from the hamster wheel of a monotonous career. It was my “physician heal thyself” moment. In 2021, my beautiful son, my only child, passed away at the age of 25 because he made unwise choices. Sadly, none of the numerous uncomfortable conversations we shared saved him. None of my questions or probing or coaching could alter his destiny. However, in the midst of my sadness and disappointment with the choices he made, I found comfort in the fact that despite his battles, my child lived a fearless and exceptional life. And unlike his mother, he chose a path in sync with his passions, not one that others wanted for him. I was left to process this strange duality. On one hand, I was incredibly angry about the choices he made that led to his death, but on the other, I was so incredibly proud that he chose his own path and lived boldly and authentically. 

 

It was my son who became my inspiration by demonstrating a life well-lived. I, too, desired a well-lived life and made the difficult decision to retire and use my gifts, aptitude, and training to start Koaching for Klarity months after his death. Clearly, he demonstrated that life is short, and I no longer desired to waste time. With more years behind me than ahead of me, I broke the cycle. It was time to make my passion my profession. 

 

Koaching for Klarity is for those who see the importance of discovering how to bridge the gap between uncertainty and clarity. So many people exist on a hamster wheel of energy-depleting relationships, careers, bad habits, blocked creativity, and negative thinking. Whether it’s fear or lack of self-worth, for them, change is not an option, and feelings of anger, regret, and resentment take hold. Koaching for Klarity’s unique coaching model encourages clients to make pivotal, change-making decisions. We engage in conversations designed to help them consider their personality, their background, their choices, and their behaviors and correlate how these factors might impact their decision-making.  

 

One client who comes to mind sought my help to coach her through a divorce. After 23 years, she wanted to leave a loveless marriage. However, before making this life-changing decision, I encouraged her to share her needs with her spouse, to be authentic, and to voice her concerns without fear. The client took my advice with intention; she even brought her husband in for coaching. After being deliberate in trying to save her marriage, she still opted for divorce. However, she walked away empowered and with a greater sense of confidence because I helped her navigate one of the most difficult decisions of her life by assisting her to set objectives and strengthen her skills to cope with the mental challenges of the situation. Moreover, she left with peace of mind, knowing she had exhausted everything in her power to save the marriage. 

 

Koaching for Klarity has been incredibly fulfilling. I get the opportunity to witness the transformation that occurs when clients entrust me to help them to clarify their goals, identify the obstacles holding them back, and create strategies for overcoming these obstacles. These sometimes uncomfortable conversations in self-discovery have helped individuals and teams achieve long-lasting change. My clients learn what it takes to move forward in life with integrity, joy, and fulfillment--something it took me three decades to do for myself.